A moving Anti-Bully Assembly? Really?

 Personal Narrative Style

Our principal, from elementary school.  A true #TBT photo. imagine the stress this young man got with a last name like "McCracken." 

 

October is Anit-Bully Month

We opened our assembly with a class to class contest.  The classes all came in and sat in class circles, all around the gym floor. Mr D’s class did a victory lap with the trophy and got home field advantage for the upcoming event.  Our librarian, Ms H did a great job of playing a Trivia game that eliminated groups throughout the process.  Eliminated teams sat down on the bleachers till there was only one team remaining. Mr R’s class prevailed, stood for a picture and joined in with the rest of the group.

A song, from 1969...

We opened with a talk about, “A Boy Named Sue” by Johnny Cash.  He claims in the song that it is the challenging name that made him strong, because his father knew he would not be there to help his son along.  “It’s that name that helped to make you strong!”  One student knew the song and the author!

Sue or McCracken?

Then we talked about our principal Mr. McCracken being called “Cracker” as a little boy. It wasn’t till he connected with other students did anyone ever say things like that about his name.  In kindergarten, lessons are difficult but we talked how the challenges often really do make us stronger.  Kids taunting, teasing and saying things like, “Polly want a cracker?” demonstrated their stress.

Whisper, Whisper, Whisper!

Then, we wrote “Ms Mix, you R…” on a blank sheet of paper!  (Ms Mix is our building counselor who does an amazing job adding a calming influence to the building.  She is one NOBODY EVER says anything bad about! She is also the only one who knew about the demonstration ahead of time.)

“I’m not playing your silly game!” 

Ms L

The "Shut Down!"

Everyone got to see it before it was completed.  We completed it with a SCRIBBLE! (See photo) All the male coaches in the front rows got a chance to “read” the description, chuckled appropriately and indicated the remark was accurate, at her expense! The private part was just scribbles (*&^%$#$%^) but all the men played along and smirked when they saw it, even though it really said nothing.  I asked a female coach, Ms L, and she gave the perfect response to shut things down. “NO, I’m not playing your silly game!”  She had the confidence, moxie and emotional security to just say NO to the bullying.  

 Note: The little white corner sheet and what we said about Ms Mix! 

But the Damage was done

After laughing, teasing and joking about it, we gave the slip of paper with the insult to Ms Mix. She crinkled it up.  The paper was ruined!  We tried to apologize. We tried to make it all better but the damage had been done.  There was nothing we could do to undo the action.  Even though we asked for it back and tried to smooth things over, it was TOO LATE.    

Let's ALL Commit

A poster from The Bully Project was produced and summarized how I, the principal, was going to commit to doing everything possible to address bullying issues and keep students safe.  I signed it and asked Ms Mix to sign it as well.  (See photo)

 

 Here, everyone in the building was invited to commit to addressing bullying, asked to display empathy and sign the poster.

Let everyone in on the secret... 

 Then all the teachers were asked to sign it on their way back to class.  Students were dismissed by sections and sent back to class.  After the students returned to class, the principal went to every room and revealed to each class the piece of wrinkled up paper and what was written about Ms Mix.  We shared a brief summary about Cracker, a boy named Sue, the show stopping response of Ms L, and how we wanted our students to act!  The students were let in on the secret.  The only person that knew about what was happening was Ms Mix.  None of the coaches, male or female had any foreknowledge of the situation but within one hour, everyone knew.

Pass or Fail?

An unplanned and unexpected expression of gratitude followed. A spontaneous act of compassion erupted. Classes full of students demonstrated true empathy and created hand written cards, thanking and appreciating Ms Mix’s contributions to our school for the rest of the day!

Conclusion

Will this stop bullying?  Will this make it go away?  Will everybody be nice to each other from here on out?  Or will this allow us to have a common language to address bullying, empathy and healthy responses?  Behavior and belief are often interconnected.  We must address both in the school setting.

Rude, Mean or Bullying?

Rude, Mean and Bullying

 This ancient bridge connects two opposite sides or banks.  Similarly, education connects the known with the unknown and equips learners with tools to build better relationships in their future.

At the middle school, we do so many different things surrounding the support of a child's growth and development.  We work on social situations, mental processes, academic advancements and self-awareness.  We talk about manners and making others feel comfortable.  In short, we try and make citizens of these people, all while trying to get students ready for the regular high stakes testing.  Another blog initiated a conversation over these following terms.

Define Rude. Discourteous or impolite

Their actions may be rude, when students do not realize the pain they cause another person.

Define Mean.    Offensive, selfish, or unaccommodating; nasty; malicious: 

When mean, the student knows and is intentionally trying to make another suffer or feel bad about.

Define Bullying.   A blustering, quarrelsome or overbearing and habitually badgers and intimidating smaller or weaker people.

The bully repeatedly displays mean and or rude behavior to a specific student or students.  There is no sign of the behavior ending and the victim often feels powerless to control or manage the attacks or the feelings of helplessness that follow.

Victims 

Those of us on the receiving end seldom consider the title of the behavior.  We just know how we feel during the event how we hurt afterwards as we consider what we might do to work through the pain.  We may even consider retaliation, revenge or making someone else hurt perpetuating the viscous cycle. 

Culture

Middle schools invest time, energy and substantial resources on breaking this cycle and helping students with empathy.  It is a continuous, mufti-faceted approach battling on the home-front, cultural issues, in the cafeteria and buses as well as the occasional classroom remark.

Mirrors

On the other hand, students acting out towards others, often times their friends, think they are just being funny, or they were just messing around.  These seemingly harmless remarks often go unchecked and unaddressed but are the most detrimental.  For instance, if an enemy would make an attack, a victim might excuse or ignore the infraction.  On the other hand, friend saying something may actually get our attention and provide doubt confusion or even insecurity.  This same friend may themselves struggle with confidence and esteem issues and overcompensate perceived shortcomings trying to mask or hide behind bravado!  Here is where empathy, understanding, training and finally consequences are in order!

How are we mean?

What do we do that is rude?

When do we bully others?

Original Blog about Mean, Rude and Bullies  

Dark Sarcasm? Is there any other kind?

Who wrote, "No dark sarcasm in the classroom..."

This morning, the field was full of the round bales.  I went back to get some additional photographs and they were all gone the next day!  Timing is everything.

 

At school there is nothing like the first day of school.  New notebooks, new classes, new procedures and the hope* for success.  With all these important variables to cover the first few days of school, what is most important?  Is there a single component?  Curriculum, rules, expectations, procedures, content, establishing norms?  How about getting to know each other?

 

In the middle school, where social connections are so important, why would it be so valuable to address the relationship side of academics?

 

Let's consider the middle school student, so different from day to day, hour by hour and even within an hour.  We see them up and down as they learn to manage their thoughts, emotions and feelings.  We also see them with best friends and sworn enemies yet even those change and evolve over time.  It seems like the connections students form are dynamic and ever changing.  This fluid ebb and flow of relational energy is often the basis for other issues, such as bullying, abuse and even assaults.  Students ganging up on others, picking on some and using relationships as weapons of power.

 

Hint, suggestion, idea:

What if we spent time building these connections deliberately?  What if we established connections in our classrooms that would tear down those walls and allow students to get to know more about each other?  What if in our job as teachers, we built an environment where students were nice to each other, used manners, proper language and no sarcasm?   That would be our role as leader!  Often times, students come to us lacking many social graces.  Just as we may not always know what fork to use, they may not know what tone or expression to use!  Therefore part of our responsibility may be to teach those social graces or manners. 

 

Definition:  Manners - Making others comfortable!

 

As teachers, it is our job and privilege to help prepare the future by helping students establish a set of ground rules for professionalism.  We must teach them content, but often we must prepare the setting for the content.  We must help them learn to learn.    If we help them get to know each other, we help them combat bullying.  Hal Urban even suggests we invest time during our school year to help them get to know each other.  He speaks of his assignment that requires every student to get 5 facts from every other student in his class!  Wonderful.  What a great way to break down walls, build connecdtions and reduce the motivation behind bullying.

 

To address bullying:

establish connections, front load relationships and help students get to know each other, cooperate and find the commonalilty at the very beginning.  Will this eliminate all bullying?  Probably not but it will create a safe environment where students feel valued, worthwhile and esteemed by both the teacher and classmates.

 

 

*Good discipline does not diminish hope.

Who wrote, "No dark sarcasm in the classroom... teacher, leave those kids alone."

Pink Floyd  - The Wall album