Hey Mr McCracken, who is your favorite student?

"Hey Mr McCracken, Who is your favorite student?"

 

Talk about a loaded question.  Students ask their teachers about favorites all the time; favorite music, food, radio station, TV show, band, and even student!

JUST HANGING OUT...
I met a student one morning hanging out.  We were discussing the roles of a principal and he asked me if I had any favorites!  Definitely a loaded question for any educator.  As teachers we think we pride ourselves as being objective, neutral, fair and equitable.  But I knew that wasn't the case, so I referred to a story.  I fell back to my favorite children's book, Green Eggs and Ham and mentioned these two characters began their relationship from different perspectives.  Sam-I-Am initiated the relationship through a passive, calm and simple introduction.  "I am Sam," "Sam I Am."  These two phrases on the signs he held up influenced what the grouchy guy thought.  Clearly, the Grouchy guy did not care for Sam!  Yet, together, they set out on adventures of increasing intensity. In fact, Sam's first request was delivered from the other end of a long pole.  Sam didn't want to get too close, but then he reeled it in after the introductions were made!

BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP
Once they began their adventures together, two important characteristics developed.  First, the adventures all grew with intensity.  Each carried more risk and increased opportunity to fail, yet the Grouchy guy continued to return.  He had many opportunities to exit, but the fun, adventuring and risk pulled him along every chapter!  Additionally, innocent bystanders became active and willing participants.  Everyone on the train, from the boat, along with the goat and other characters were prodding and prompting expectantly for the Grouchy guy to take this risk of taste.  They knew the risk minimal and the reward great, with future benefits far greater yet!  But then, they ALL splashed into the water.  Everything came crashing down yet Sam persisted with his questioning!

EPIC FAIL
Finally, after that epic fail, where the two characters, along with the multitude of supporting cast members all ended in the water, the grouchy guy relented and took the culinary risk.  The grouchy guy developed trust, confidence and the self assurance needed to take the risk!  They had grown into friends.  Not unlike a teacher working all the contents in their bad of tricks to get some students to try harder.

GETTING PERSONAL
I continued with my discussion about favorites with another story about an incident in my own classroom, where I ashamedly treated a student with unnecessary sarcasm, in front of all of the other students.  It was from this position of weakness I realized I needed to try and reconcile or erase this verbal jab.  I wrote that young man a letter of affirmation at the end of the school year.  

WHAT WE SAVE, WE VALUE
Ten years later, after that young man finished installing new ceramic tile floors in my new house, he pulled that same letter out of his wallet!  A few years after that, he sent me a text message with a picture of his new born little girl attached! 

Who would be my favorite?  This young man would be one that shares the most experiences!  This young man would likely be called a favorite, but only because we are still connected, still in fellowship, still in contact.  Do I have favorites?  No, just those that I know more then others!

This little girl is a daughter of a former student. That same student and I shared many adventures, many failures, many successes and many victories.  We overcame obstacles together and fought to stay connected. These events are the glue that cements our relationship.  These shared activities draw us together.  This makes him one of the students I've known the longest.  
Would that make him my favorite?

Similarly, as we get to know others more, we become better aware of their characteristics, we trust them better and are more inclined to follow their suggestions. 

Maybe each of us is on our path to becoming a favorite and developing favorites?

What is on your reading list this summer?

Get to Know You Questions:

What is your favorite meal?

What is your favorite movie and why?

So what is your sign?

So, how about those (insert the name of the local team here)?

What is the last book you read?

How about the weather?

What do you like to do in your free time?

 

Questions: These are all questions people ask each other as they get to know each other.  The questions lead to other conversations and topics of interest.  The direction either endorses the continuing of a relationship or the determination that this might not be a relationship heading in a common direction or along an compatible journey.

Social fluency: One of those questions people often ask as they get to know each other addresses reading habits: How much, What genre?, Favorite authors? or style? and latest? or current read?  The answers to these questions help each party identify common interests, beliefs or strongly held opinions about the other.

For instance, in an effort to introduce myself, and in case others were interested, I began to compile a list of my summer reading.  It began as a short list but evolved into a few other books that have made an impact on my philosophy of education.  Interestingly, this selection even includes a couple of ebooks!

 Your First Year as Principal, Tena Green

Drive, Daniel Pink
Leaders of Learning, Rick Dufour
Engaging Teachers in Classroom Walkthroughs,  Kachur, Stout, Edwards
Never Work Harder Than Your Students,   Robyn Jackson
Outliers, Malcom Gladwell
The Taming of the Crew,  Brian Mendler
Shopclass as Soulcraft,  Matthew Crawford
Oh, The Places You'll Go,  Dr Suess
Understanding a Framework of Poverty,  Ruby Payne
Lessons from the Classroom,  Hal Urban
What Great Teachers Do Differently: 14 Things That Matter Most,  Todd Whitaker
Conative Connection

What is the first line of Green Eggs & Ham?

To build relationships, we need time, activity, trust and something in common.

 

In Green Eggs and Ham, the first line, does anybody remember that?  "I do not like___?___"
No!  He does not say "green eggs and ham" here but something far deeper.  The grouchy says " I do not like that Sam-I-am."
He begins the relationship in hostility and aggression and negativity.  Yet Sam builds on this, like a master teacher, with near countless adventures that pique his interest, stimulate his curiosity and teach him to trust. 
At the beginning, they are not too friendly, but by the end their relationship is solid.
Relationships take time AND action to develop.
The intensity increases till The Grouch can finally trust.
SAM, LIKE ALL OF US SHOULD BE DELIBERATE AND INTENTIONAL IN OUR PURSUIT OF RELATIONSHIPS WITH THOSE UNDER OUR CARE, EVEN IF THEY REJECT US OR OUR MESSAGE!
#onthemap

Thanks Dr Seuss!