“Successful
Failure?”
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| Looking for the "perfect" piece of brisket? ASAP BBQ got it, once! |
What does "Successful Failure" mean
for educators, parents and people that work to motivate lead and inspire others?
How often does it happen? A
student tries a problem but can’t figure it out on the first try so he gives up. Or, she
writes an essay with too many red marks on her page and never writes again,
while struggling with self-esteem. Or, he struggles playing catch so he quits the
ball team, even though he can hit. Or,
she has a bit of peer conflict, trying to compromise on what game to play and
pouts, adding more strain to the tender relationship. All these little
scenarios get played out over and over as we grow up and students failing to
learn these coping skills carry the deficiency long into adolescence, and even
adulthood. As educators, how can we
teach our learners how to overcome the discouragement, letdown and often times,
self-inflicted pain of perceived failure? Below are a few possible
interventions, supports and techniques for building up persistent learners.
·
Encourage
play, especially
play involving choices, decisions, play acting and characters. Early forms of empathy come from the ability
to see the world through the eyes of others and acting out, voicing stuffed animals,
dolls, characters and even imaginary friends all have their place in a child’s developmental
growth. Even little cars, although often
crashing, help children with fine motor skills, competition and organizational planning.
Leagues that play games, without keeping score do well as the children are developing
their skills, but once the fundamentals are mastered, objective scores become a
necessity.
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| Building Dolls out of Corn Husks IS NOT A SCIENCE but an art. Trying to make these perfect will only lead to frustration. |
·
Recognize your child’s response to quotes such
as “perfect,” “right,” or “not good
enough,” and AVOID the critical,
leaving the perfectionism for the professionals. While still young, children
have an intrinsic instinct to try and please their adult caregivers, but when
their efforts are “never good enough,” discouragement leads to impending insecurities.
Doubts and poor self-talk festers into a struggling self-esteem. Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon, writes
about a patient, also a salesmen, that thought he needed an “ear job” before he
could really sell. Dr. Maltz counseled
him into changing his way of thinking first. Maltz’s book Positive Psycho Cybernetics admonishes us to think only good
thoughts about ourselves and adjusting our thoughts sufficiently supports growth
and advancement better than plastic surgery. The salesmen thought his
productivity was tied to directly to his physical appearance but was able to
achieve his goals, without a costly and purely cosmetic surgery.
·
Consider balancing
the positive and negative comments realizing the importance of the words we
use to offer suggestion, praise, and even critique. Scientists
proclaim the negative in our brain is like Velcro and the positive slides out
like Teflon. A child remembers the
negative comments, sarcasm and jabs, far easier than the positive feedback so sparsely
doled out for a “home run.” Science tells us our brains focus on the details of
the negative far more than we replay the positive events, actually diminishing
the actual positive event. School
centered initiatives often tout the need for teachers to share four positive comments
for every single negative comment with the students. Thus a student hearing sarcasm frequently internalizes
the message into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, the “funny” part of teasing contains a kernel of truth and the recipient
remembers the feeling when the jab is made.
Retaliation, getting back at and coping take precedence. Learning is stifled. No longer safe or secure from ridicule, a
learner shuts down and avoids the pain by avoiding the attempt. The antecedent leads to the behavior and
suffering consequences. The results of failure are greater than the rewards of
success. Recognize these trappings of perfectionism, its causes, and early
signs to arrange for the necessary re-teaching and redirecting. A child overly critical of himself becomes
his own worst enemy.
·
Caring adults should model successful failure. “Successful
failure” sounds like an oxymoron but it is vital to growth, mastery and
development. Just like a skier that NEVER tries a harder slope will plateau and
never get better, learners need to push themselves to the point of
failure. Good leading demonstrates this
cycle by showing pupils how to recover after failure. For instance, a teacher may make mistakes deliberately
but subtly to recover and progress forward.
The learning cycle repeats indefinitely.
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| The Jewel Box in St Louis Forest Park grows some fabulous specimens, but are they "perfect?" I doubt it! |
§
Try
something new
§
Fail at
this new venture
§
Try again
by making minor adjustments (Frequently repeated and called learning)
§
Succeed
and celebrate the breakthrough
§
Repeat the
entire cycle at the next level
Video
games are built on the premise that giving players the chance to try again
keeps them advancing, through a series of increasingly difficult levels. Persistence,
grit and determination, although somewhat intrinsic can be developed with motivation
and positive feedback based on the student as a worker, esteemed because of
effort and not just because of talent. For
instance, hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard. Likewise, classrooms should be filled with
this learning cycle where students are failing up, trying, gathering suggestive
and constructive aligning feedback, void of sarcasm. Offering
a critique is not the same as being critical.
Teachers,
counselors, care-givers, managers and others striving to lead are on a quest
for motivated, persistent and gritty individuals. These good leaders manage the
risks of the team aligning ability, talent and effort with encouragement,
motivation and a safe environment. By advancing the level of difficulty with
experience, pushing to improve without crippling, handcuffing or expecting perfectionism
from him or others, a good leader, is also a good manager, overcoming “I can’t”
with “I can’t, YET!” The fear of failing
should not exist!
Even Calvin Coolidge faced this when
he assembled this quote in 1929:
Nothing in this world can
take the place of persistence.
Talent will not: nothing
is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not: the
world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and
determination alone are omnipotent.
Calvin
Coolidge
How can we overcome, “I Can’t!” in our pupils?
With the Power of "YET"
With the Power of "YET"
Perfectionism is…?
Detrimental and interferes with learning!
Detrimental and interferes with learning!
Compare and contrast the following cycles:
“Try, Fail, Quit!”
or
“Try, Fail, Try Again, Fail, And Succeed?”
How can we teach persistence, grit, tenacity and determination?
Teach and model overcoming adversity!
Teach and model overcoming adversity!
Citations
BrainyQuote, 2017. (2001). Calvin Coolidge
quotes. Retrieved February 4, 2017, from https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/calvincool414555.html
Garson. (2016, January 12). Quote investigator.
Retrieved February 4, 2017, from http://quoteinvestigator.com/2016/01/12/persist/
Ginsburg, K. R. (2007). The importance of play
in promoting healthy child development and maintaining strong parent-child
bonds. FROM THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF PEDIATRICS, 119(1), 182–191. doi:10.1542/peds.2006-2697
Hanson, R. (2001, June 1). 01 Jun take in the
good. Retrieved February 4, 2017, from http://www.rickhanson.net/take-in-the-good/
Maltz, M. PSYCHO- CYBERNETICS, A new way to get more living out of life. Retrieved from http://mastertext.spb.ru/pics/Psycho-Cybernetics.pdf
Stuart-Kotze, R. (2008, October 23). Why failure
means success. Retrieved February 4, 2017, from http://www.cbsnews.com/news/why-failure-means-success/
